you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
