If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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