just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
