Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
