the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
