it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
