I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
