I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
