Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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