stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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