went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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