There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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