my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
