I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
