I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
