your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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