Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
