I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
