I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
