the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
