TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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