so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
