is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
