I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
