So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
