Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize