So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize