you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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