its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
