we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
