this boner is exhausting
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Terrible idea I love it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
