i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
