he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
