it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize