Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize