arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think people are normalizing furries
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
