No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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