is your mom at the bar?
we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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