Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
