i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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