yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
