i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
