You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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