last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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