My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We need to get me chipped asap
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize