Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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