you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
