Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
