his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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