And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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