2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
