she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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