nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
