i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
