and you said cock pushups were impossible
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What a dumb baby whore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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