So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
