ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
