put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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