i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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