I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize