I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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