I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
