First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
