Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
