the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
