she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
