Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
