i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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