omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
