You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
