That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
