She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
