I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize