oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
