remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
