Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
