this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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