I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
3 2 1 whiskey
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
