I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
